二零零五年七月二十三日

下午時份，天氣仍然很熱，心煩意亂。索性推遲約會的時間，一個人靜雞雞去尖沙咀海旁，「去一個無人的地方」，「避靜」。海旁是我其中一個最喜愛的避靜地方，可以待在那裡一兩個小時。看著維多利亞港世界級的景色，可以清去腦裏的煩擾，又或可以清靜地思考。今日去正巧有工程進行，十分嘈吵，可以看到對岸的地方又不多，只好坐在文化中心旁的樓梯，扮雙失青年無聊。

那項工程是一項美化計劃，看見有一部份的地磚已經重鋪，未完成的部份有工人將一塊塊的石磚砌成地版。旁邊有為遊客拍照的攝影師，帶著打印機和電池，即影即有。有一對新人與其親友在樓梯底，拍照、拋花球。不禁想：究竟將來想點？

雖然尚有很多的疑問，但心情好得多了。

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It certainly has been great. Everything seems building up and we are in the right track. Don't worry, we will never derail. We will achieve great things. The problem is, we don't seem on the same page on how much we want to achieve. Is it a quest to attain the highest possible result? Surely everyone want to get the best of all worlds, but it's sure that everyone can't. Now it's pressing. If you would want to achieve great things, aim higher, we have to work harder, and that means we together will pay much more time in this. And we will outwit the others.

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活動又有進展，總算是有了開始了。餘下的時間不多，真的希望大家可以放棄少少自己的時間。作口號其實幾好玩。

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I feel so bad today. Actually, I don't know what makes me feel bad because so much has happened today. Is it because of the project discussion? or not having a good sleep? or the gathering(s)? At that particular time I was in the deserted laboratory, trying to catch a nap at the back row, thinking like I am abandon, feeling alone.

I don't want to have that feeling. I am not sure whether I feel like that, at least I cannot conclude that and say it into words. It has been one of my greatest fear that someone, someone will discover this feeling. Then I'm sure someone will truly leave me.

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完成工作後，到銅鑼灣一個叫 Cafe Inn 的樓上咖啡店，與中同聚舊。一到達就要接受認人的考驗，記性極差的我當然是失敗啦。我們一直在談中學往事，甚麼人甚麼事大家都記得一清二楚，講到四五點才走，辛苦了在場看鋪的人。很想念中學時的簡單生活，又回想起中學時自己好低能。

原來晚上 276 收車後，會行深夜的 N968 來回元朗銅鑼灣，收費 31 元。離開時與朋友總結幾個月來的經驗，結論是停滯不前。我們再談了一些樓盤的笑話，聽說有地產商的新樓盤叫煙肉山峰，the name is very beautiful。